Hi @Confounded. Thanks for being part of GoDaddy Community!
Unfortunately, if you have one of our Windows plans, you wouldn't be able to use Zend Guard Loader. This is only available on Linux accounts.Sorry If you need access to this as well as the Windows environment, you would either need to add a second hosting plan (one for each operating system) or consider leasing a VPS. The latter would give you the access needed to install Zend Guard Loader but would require that you administrate the server. Hope that helps.
JesseW - GoDaddy | Community Manager | 24/7 support available at x.co/247support | Remember to choose a solution and give kudos.